Born one likely to end up as ‘born two’ – Counselor Adofoli
Someone once forwarded an image to me that says “African boyfriends are like African Presidents, the next one is worse than the previous one”. I replied by saying African Girlfriends are like African electorate, they don’t learn from their mistake so they end up repeating the same mistakes. They end up going for someone who is worse than their Ex.
As a matter of fact, it is not only the men who don’t learn from their mistakes, the women are with the same bad habit. It makes no sense for any woman to hold on to a man who impregnated her because she already has one child from a previous relationship which didn’t lead to marriage.
Common sense will tell you when you have sex with someone you are not married to and get pregnant, just by virtue of your pregnancy does NOT make you a married couple. The requirement for getting married is not pregnancy. For those who are still doing that, pregnancy is not bride price and knocking ceremony is not a marriage ceremony or wedding.
If you stooped low to have sex with someone you are not married to, forgetting that unprotected sex leads to pregnancy, don’t mistake that for marriage. If any man is promising to get married to you in the future, wait for him to marry you before you open your legs for him. If you don’t know this you will end up getting pregnant for any man who comes your way as a lady, in the name of relationship, love and marriage.
In this part of our world, many people who had a child from previous relationships don’t learn from their mistakes and ended up repeating the same mistake with the hope that the man in question will get married to them. Some of these ladies feel desperate and think they might end up with no man so they are ready to compromise and do anything just in the name of marriage.
If you don’t want to have children outside marriage, then get married before you start having children. By so doing, you will avoid chasing the wrong person, forgetting that the right person won’t run.
Don’t fall in love with him because he is kind towards you and your child from a previous relationship; fall in love with him because he loves you and want to get married to you, not someone who is in your life to help you repeat the same mistake you did.
If you are in love with him because he is kind towards you, what happens when he is no longer kind towards but has had a child with you? If you fall in love with him because he provides for you, what happens when he is no longer in the position to provide for you but you’ve had a child with him?
Marriage is total commitment and it goes beyond all that; you don’t pull down your pant for someone because of such reasons and end up with a child. When that happens, you are likely to look for another person to take care of the mess you have created.
Holding on to a man because he has impregnated you or lied to you wouldn’t make him love you even if you force him to get married to him. If you make such mistakes, learn from it and become better. Don’t become desperate; you will end up being used or getting hurt the more.
By the way, children are not from men but God. God just chooses men to be their caregivers so they can be partakers of the blessings the children will bring in the future. If your current partner does not want to be part of that, go to God, tell HIM you are sorry, and amend your ways and He will help you to take care of the child. Always remember no man is God. No man is faithful. No man can do what God can do for you.
In conclusion, “Children are a gift from God; they are his reward. Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows to defend him” – Psalm 127:3-4 (TLB).
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