Using the terms “husband” and “wife” often causes people to think of each other in a more permanent, you’re-a-part-of-me/I’m-a-part-of-you way—you’re technically a family now.
Also, one interesting thing that happens when people get married is what theorists call “transformation of motivation”: You start to work together to achieve the best outcomes for you both, as opposed to acting on your own to get the things that you each want. Essentially, you take on one another’s dreams and form a new set of mutual goals.
However, most of us are shocked to hear divorce news when it concerns a couple who spent more than a decade together.
We wonder how they could have invested so much time into their relationship, only to declare it no longer works
This is the story of Ghanaian woman who sent her story Facebook’s David Papa Bondze-Mbir, detailing how she mustered up the courage to walk out of her 12-year-old marriage.
Read her full story below:
I gave my husband a hug and told him how much I love him, and he smiled and looked at me with that look of, ‘oh!’ He asked me “but why?” I said nothing. I smiled back warmly, and then went to my car to drive to work. I am writing from a heart that is almost broken. But it doesn’t really matter what my heart has been turned into at the moment; all that I want to care about is where else this heart, in its shape, can go. And Dave, when it comes to the unknown journeys of love, only I can determine to what extent I would want to travel to – with anyone.
When I first met my husband, he was the sweetest thing to ever think of. He was always on my mind because he did things right. He showed interest in me, and I fell for the man who was loving all of me in that special way. I started to like him too, and he was all that I wanted for myself. I made the final decision to choose him. He had already chosen me. So I began to care faithfully about him. He cared a whole lot about me. And so, at the right time, and in the right place of our lives, we made a commitment to love each other.
Every day in our marriage increased my commitment to make my marriage work. I wasn’t trying to be the best wife. I wasn’t trying to compete or be better than any ideal marriage I was looking up to. I just wanted to make my experience with my husband worth the while. The love I had for my husband instilled so much meaning and purpose in everything we were as a couple, and also, stood for. Dave, I was in the marriage to give my best, and though no one could grade my efforts, my husband can testify to the fact that, I gave it my all.
All I needed from him was to try for me and the children. My husband, prior to marriage made me and my family and friends to believe he knew what he wanted in a woman, and that, I was all that and more. He realized the sacrifices he had to make to achieve his desire, and was willing to commit to this sacrifice, in order to build a home with me. As human beings, we all have within us the ability to do right by the people we love and respect. Our utmost responsibilities to ourselves is to devote whatever is needed to be committed to be committed.
It’s been 12 years of marriage and two beautiful kids later that I might have to reconsider, starting a love life all over again. It hasn’t been easy. But like most men, my husband chose to also have much of the fun outside of our marriage, with the intention of someday, after the exploration, then could be content with me. Ideally, I should have waited for him to settle in himself, finally, to want to be faithful to me, so we could both fight for what we both dreamed of for us, but unfortunately, times wait for no man.
I took off my ring one morning before stepping out to work, and a man asked me to marry him that day. He is my boss’ cousin, an investor, and wanted to trade with our firm. I was to assist him with our services. He showed interest in me. I told him I was married, but he wouldn’t believe me. And so he asked my boss. His cousin confirmed, and he tried to sound happy for me. He was a widower, with a son. He wouldn’t stop staring at me.
That evening, I asked my husband if he loved or enjoyed the affair he was engaging in. He denied seeing anyone. I asked him to give me his phone to make a call to his other woman, and he smiled. He wouldn’t give me his phone. I had determined as at that moment, that my happiness in a relationship was solely up to my choices and decisions, either made or failed to make. And so, if there was a man contributing to any form of unhappiness in my life, I was responsible for that.
I asked for divorce last two months, and he agreed to a divorce. This morning, he called to ask me to reconsider my decision. He told me he loves me, and was willing to end things with the other woman. I don’t make him happy. If I did, he wouldn’t have looked elsewhere. And I want him to be happy. I owe him that. I owe myself happiness too, and I think I found an idea of it in my boss’ cousin. I am yet to call and tell him I have filed for divorce. We have been working together for three weeks now, and he is doing everything possible not to get interested in me. I still smile at him. He smiles at me all the time.
I have improved the quality of our friendship. We are now on first name basis, and it is so more to my liking. Dave, I do not know how to tell him I am already in the process to be single and free. Can a woman drop indirect hints to a man as a form of a proposal?” – From RPL